Remembering Ben

I shall keep the memory of Ben in my mind and heart as I live out my days here. I wish you and your family continued love and healing, despite of the painful loss you have endured. Love and blessings always. - HA

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I very much enjoyed the small moments shared with Ben on outdoor adventures. In particular his quiet, clever and kind way of being struck a chord with me. - Dale & Cricket

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Ben was such a kind, amazing, and truly incredible soul, and I can’t even begin to fathom the kind of pain he must have been in. It broke my heart to hear that you feared that no one would remember Ben and the incredible legacy he left, and I want you to know that will never be the case. Ben was far too much of a bright light to ever fade from my memory, and I will always hold him and your family close to my heart. – Julia S.

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Your memorial to Ben was very poignant and meaningful to those of us who have had friends and family who have dealt with this disease. I thought when you made your greater community aware that your darling sweet, young Ben was gone, that this illness was a possibility. I am so terribly sorry. It is with such great love, admiration, and grace that you paid such a worthy tribute to him. You could not have done anything other!! L'chaim!! - H. Lee H.

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My word, what an astonishing website and breath-taking memorial service. I am honored, shaken, inspired, warmed, filled, reminded, made better by all that you shared and organized. I feel more human than I thought possible. It’s a feeling that’s going to last a very long while. - Lou J.

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Our entire family is speechless with grief. Our Ben said he and your Ben enjoyed a sound editing class together at UW last semester, chatting quite a bit, and nothing seemed amiss.. A few weeks ago he was also talking about sharing Seder at your house last spring. there is something we can do for your family, please let us know. Blessings  to you all. - Eve & David

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Ben was such a lovely, intelligent, talented, thoughtful and kind person. I have such vivid memories of him as a beautiful baby rocking on the floor at Patricia and Michael's to music and his lovely smiling face from our trip in 1997. - Matt L.

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As I watched that memorial last night, I was struck with just how many avenues were available to that extraordinary young man. I learned many things about him that I hadn't known before, discovering talents I would never have suspected and the extent of his kindness and self-deprecating brilliance. And I was once again devastated, along with you, that his disease led him down that blind alley to a tragic end. We will take a piece of Ben's spirit along with us now, I hope, for as far as we go, and spread it as wide as we can. - Michael K.

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I did not know Benjamin well, but it is clear that he had a Divine spark in him that he generously shared with many. An amazing young man. - Mike A.​​

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Sending love and healing energies from Whidbey.  I remember Ben’s brit, but not much of him after.  Strange way to remember someone, but grateful to have been there. - Allan & Deloris

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I think if we carry our loved one’s memory with us they are never forgotten, no matter how short their lives were. Je t'embrasse très fort. - Sue A.

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Ben’s Memorial service was deeply moving, as one might expect, but remarkable in the way it allowed us to learn more about Ben and bring Ben to life once again,  It was a service which flowed with love and gratitude for the times we were able to experience the grace of having Ben among us -  a loving, talented, and unusually sensitive human from the day he was born.   It was a superb service.  We feel that everyone who was present will remember Ben for all the days of their lives.  Ben is in our hearts forever.  – Alexandra B.

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We met Ben when he came to Detroit for the funeral of his grandmother, our Aunt Freida. We all realized then what a special young man he was. Through today’s memorial we were privileged to see Ben as he grew and matured. We were also able to learn about his brilliance and the qualities of his  character that defined him. May we share only Simchos in the future. – Eileen B.

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I know there’s nothing to be said to a parent in grief, no way we could ever understand, but we love you and will always think fondly of young Ben and what he helped build here in NM. - Abby M.

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That was a moving service.  Thank you for including me. I learned things about Ben that I never knew.  Maybe that was because I had so little contact with him during his life.  And maybe when I did see him it was always in a crowd of family members and he was never one to steal the spotlight.  Such a gentle and musical soul. - Derek B.​​

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Today's memorial was a gift, a beautiful remembrance of yours and Gary's gifted son.  He lives on in your hearts and in time, I know, when you hear certain music, you will smile (instead of cry) with Benjamin's soul, as I do whenever I am near rushing water, home to Jim's ashes.  - Julie B.​​

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Our hearts are so saddened by this news. We  cannot comprehend how you are feeling or what to even say other than we wish you wonderful memories and our love and support. - Jacqui & Marc​

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A beautiful, touching service. You were correct about grief, it is a long, hard difficult road but we are certainly not alone on this path and I could not agree more that by keeping our beloved ones names spoken they are never, ever forgotten. I hope that my Troy and your Ben are jamming up there in heaven and riding their motorcycles. Troy was very musical, as well. He played bass, guitar, drums and some keyboard/piano. Warmest hugs to you all. – Corry Ellen B.

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What a beautiful memorial. I am so moved by all the stories. We will talk abut Ben and keep him with us forever. – Leslie J.

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I am glad that Gary talked about Ben’s illness and how difficult it can be for families and loved ones with mental health issues. There are so many of us who have friends and family struggling with mental illness. Stigma keeps some people from getting help and talking about it helps break the stigma. We have always been open about it in our family, in order to make it easier for others to talk about mental health and for us to talk with them about it. I’m also glad Gary brought up the Griever’s Library. It is a wonderful project and I’m very proud of your work to make this happen. I’m sure there are lots of others who will agree. Ben’s death is a tragedy that we all wish had never happened, but you are finding great ways to turn his memory into ways to help others, through the library and his fund. - Jennifer C.

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It was a very beautiful and meaningful memorial service for Ben. What a talented and gifted son Ben was. I wish you luck with your Grievers Library. What a wonderful project. – Robert C.

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I only recently heard about Ben’s passing. A loss beyond measure, to be sure. My sincerest condolences. - Mitch A.

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The service was AMAZING. You told me I would meet Ben and I certainly did. That one young man, Alexander, was so touched by you and Gary. You could tell by the look in his eyes he didn’t want to stop sharing about Ben. The service really helped everyone Ben left behind. You did bring Ben back to life that afternoon. I didn’t want the stories to stop. I enjoyed listening to Ben’s music teacher and how she first met Ben when he was playing the scales. I actually laughed out loud while tearing up just visualizing it. It was an amazing story and I could tell by her sharing about Ben it was helping her grief.  – Jane D.

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I have never attended or even seen such a gathering of love. It has been wonderful knowing you and Gary all this time, and more so now. Thank you for the opportunity. We have been through a lot together. - Charles E.

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May God bless you both in your healing. May you see Ben everywhere and feel his closeness. As so beautifully encapsulated in Psalm 30: 5."Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning." I am hoping that each dawn will grow brighter and that sorrow will give way to peace and love. - Courtney E.

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What a beautiful ceremony you arranged for Ben's memorial!  I could tell, listening to his achievements and seeing the pictures what a charming young man Ben grew up to be, that you had been wonderful parents to him.   I believe you still continue to be wonderful parents by honouring his memory and sharing him with us all. - Karsalie F-H.

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Thank you so much for such a beautiful tribute to Ben! May the love to Ben of so many people comfort you. Let’s keep in touch, scones or not. – Mara F.

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Thanks for including us .  . . We didn’t know Ben, and now surely wish we had. You can rightly take comfort in the outpouring of remembrances of Ben’s talents, exploits and kindnesses . . . and need never to doubt that, having raised a boy, a man, of such character, all of you did right by him, all you could. We wish you the strength to grieve a loss that never fills, and then the courage to prevail, and the peace to celebrate Ben's legacy, well beyond his years. With much sympathy and affection. – Ron & Katharina L.

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It was an honor to be part of Ben's ceremony. - Neal F.

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What a beautiful, heart-full memorial you and Gary provided for everyone yesterday. So meaningful, and such a lovely reflection on Ben. I loved seeing all the photos, and hearing from you and Gary and your friend in Taos, and what a poem from his cousin. Seeing/hearing him play the cello was such a gift, too. It is the most soulful of the instruments; the Sarabande wrecked me.  I also found the Rabbi’s words so consoling; I hope you found some solace in the day, and in sharing it with others. Thank you for including us; I am richer for knowing Ben a little better, and the shape of the place he holds in your hearts. I am awed by your bravery and generosity yesterday.  – Chris G.

Thank you for a beautiful, moving, meaningful service. Tom, Conor, and I send our love; we are so sorry for your loss. We miss Ben. – Malayka G.​

I liked hearing the stories about Ben. Thank you for sharing yours, which must have been difficult.  What a wonderful and gifted person.  The loss is heartbreaking, and Evy and I continue to send you our love and friendship. I think you said it well that grief is a tough road.  It was very clear to all today how much you love and cherish Ben. - Erik H.

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The best thing is when Ben used to walk by our house and we would greet each other with the same greeting, ‘Hi Ben!” It meant a lot to me and it was fun for him. Keep your hopes up. – Ben H.

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It was lovely to hear the stories about your Ben. I am so glad you felt lifted up by this gathering of those who loved him. I forwarded the service to my daughter Ruth (Marshall) who reminded me that she gave Ben some lessons when he was quite young, before Mara. She remembered him quite fondly as a very gifted young man! - Jane H.

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I’m so glad that you gathered us and that I heard these stories about Ben.  What a remarkable man.  I’m sending you both love and respect and admiration for the way you’ve managed to live this past year and today.  I can’t imagine how you’ve done it, but surely it is in part about the love you gave Ben and that he gave back to you.  I hope it continues to sustain you. – Sharon H.

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I never knew Ben, but feel like I do now, after all of the stories and anecdotes. He was certainly well loved by many. I can’t imagine what this past year must have been like for you and your family,  but am comforted to know that you were surrounded by so many others who could support you. – Michael H.

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I'm sorry that I never had the chance to know Ben, but of course I know how much you loved him, and how proud you were of him. And now, through this beautiful memorial service you all prepared for him, I know some of the details of how and why. I will go to bed with a better understanding and appreciation of your beautiful, beloved, brilliant son. And overflowing love for you. - Janet H.

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How lovely and moving Ben’s service was amidst the sorrow and loss.  You all did such a wonderful job of celebrating Ben’s essence, his spirit and his enormous talents, both gifts to your family and all who knew him.   I hope you’re doing as well as can be expected and that the service served as some kind of milepost on the journey of grief, which I know has no real end point given the depth of your loss of such a beautiful son. – Jean J.

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Deborah and I were deeply moved by the memorial service for Ben. It gave me an opportunity to know him better. I only met him once. He was truly a wonderful and extraordinary person. My thoughts continue to be with you both. And Sarah. Much love – Joel K.

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Ben’s memorial service was such a wonderful tribute to your beautiful and immensely talented son.  Your NZ family joined in from different locations around the country.  Our cameras were taken down when we couldn’t hold back our tears - overwhelmed by the endearing and loving sentiments.  I spent the next couple of hours on my own at the beach here in Taupo - waves crashing and tears flowing - took me back to the day Ben donned his wetsuit, grabbed his little surf board and we headed to the beach in Wellington.  That was one windy day for sure! – Janet L.

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That was a lovely service today and the stories of Ben were wonderful! It was wonderful to see so many people join the service. - Clive L.

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Your remembrance service for Ben yesterday was very tender and meaningful .  Sadly, the pain of losing him may always be with you. Caring thoughts. – Julie L.

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Such a special, uplifting and moving celebration for Ben. Thank you for including me.  It enriched my life and touched my heart.  Blessings to you and Gary and all your family. - Donna L.

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What a gift to Ben & the community sharing your amazing kid! I knew Ben had talent & looks, but not to the degree (loved the ‘sleeping in a cello case' & YoYo Ma subliminally influencing his passions). And had no idea he was a computer whiz, the story about him programming his calculator, the classical music Wikipedia app, etc. Pretty amazing combo of skills & personality! I really enjoyed his “getting into trouble politely” stories, Ben breaking into a cemetery to leave pebbles from her favorite beach for his aunt, teaching a kid to ride a bicycle, bringing his cello on the ferry to serenade a reticent grandpa; so many acts of kindness that we never knew. As parents you clearly did an amazing job raising such a thoughtful, bright & KIND son/brother. He’s now mourned (& celebrated) by so many more - Kelly L.

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It was a beautiful memorial service and I loved Vicki’s poem and loved that you could see how you are surrounded with love. I have repeatedly thought that each connection we have to each other is like an anchor line- and many lines can keep us afloat in the worst of storms- even this terrible storm of loss and grief. I am so sorry that you had to know this kind of pain. You and Gary did Benjamin proud. I am sure he knows how much you love him and would feel that the memorial was a good way to bring everyone together. – Grace L.

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Thank you for inviting me to take part in Ben's memorial service today. It was a great tribute to a great young man. The rabbi's words were so soothing and positive. It will help us all take the light that touched us and give thanks for that gift. I know how hard it must have been for you, Gary and Sarah to organize the memorial and share each smile and tear with us. – Ian M.

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I sincerely hope the service just now has brought your family some of the closure you needed. I hope it also brought you some peace. It was a beautiful summation of the time you were given to raise your son, to the best of your ability. - Carol M.

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Your family is clearly overflowing with love and warmth and your extended family all over the world was clearly right there in the moment with you. That experience was deeply appreciated and just  being there did a world of good for everyone attending I suspect.– Barbara M.

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What a beautiful ceremony. Thank you for bringing Ben’s light (and darkness) to all of us. Thank you for the slides, memories, the prayers, songs, the poetry and most of all, the love that everyone has for Ben. - Rosanne O.

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Thank you for sharing Ben with us today.  He was such a special and beautiful person.  I am so sorry for your and our loss. – Kelly P.

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I appreciated hearing the stories about Ben. I know it must've been hard but I appreciate that you were open about the cause of Ben's death and the challenges he was dealing with; that choice strikes me as wise and helpful. - Bob P.

Having only seen Ben as toddler running thru the various art classes, I got to meet him as adult for the first time  at his own memorial. I loved him too.  Odd that I laughed and cried as outsider witnessing your family. I cried again for my own loss and all those parents who have to go through what you have. And the sisters and aunts and uncles and Rabbis and teachers and musicians who were moved by Ben. The love was palpable and sweet, and the exquisite and devastating memories in one way or another, created a feeling and picture of Ben.  What a graceful young man. I will remember those stories. – Claudia P.

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Thank you for your open and courageous sharing of your grief and memories of Ben. I'm sorry I didn't know him. He sounds like he was a really extraordinary young man who touched many lives. His memorial was so moving. I hope the pain in your hearts as a whole family, can be soothed by the virtual hugs that are coming to you from all corners of the earth. - Joy P-C

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I didn’t know Ben at all before, and now I feel like I know something. And I can see and feel better the magnitude of what you and Gary have lost, though it’s still unfathomable. It was wonderful seeing Jonathan Singer and Wendy Marcus again, an unexpected treat.  - Kathy R.

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It was a beautiful tribute to your beautiful son. Ben. – Ani R.

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The memorial service was beautifully done. Many thanks for this portrait of Ben. I am grateful for the memories of each time we met. - Richard R.

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Ben’s Memorial was full of such love and pain that it both broke our hearts and filled them with joy. Every bit of the memorial was such a beautiful tribute to Ben.  It is a privilege for all of us to learn more about Ben and to hear from so many people about how they knew and experienced him. Having a memorial during a pandemic is just that; given the format and it’s limitations, this was truly a remarkable, meaningful gathering of community and an outpouring of love for Ben and your family.  I know that we are all deeply touched by Ben’s life and by the loss of that life, too soon.  Always and forever, too soon.  I am going to light a yahrzeit candle for him and keep you all in my thoughts on January 29.  But mostly, I am going to miss Ben and be thinking of him.      Ben - Thanks for coming to our house for the Hanukkah party, even though you didn’t want to leave your room.  Your smiles that night are a memory I hold in my heart.  Be at peace, dear Ben.  Your memory WILL forever be a blessing - to us all – Cathy S.

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The memorial was deeply moving. Wrapping you in a hug of comfort, inadequate as it is. Jenifer S.

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That was a beautiful and so moving memorial, and tribute. I was honored to be there. I am so sad for your loss and your grief.  I hope you took some comfort from the event and such an outpouring of support. – Judy S.

There are no sufficient words for the loss of Ben. The beautiful, talented boy.  Know that you are loved! - Ann M.

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Thank you for sharing your memories of Benjamin’s life. The sentiments expressed were beautiful and resonated with me. Your genuine love and his indomitable spirit came across. I must mention that it helped me cope with grief and loss of my best friend who passed away last week. I had tears all through the ceremony but it was healing and gives me the strength to live past these early days. – Nirupa S.

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Wonderful that so many people were present.  I liked hearing the young people speaking about Ben.  Seems very important and good that this happened and that you have it recorded.  – Beverley S.

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Our lives are built by such weaving of hopes, endeavors, glories, losses, joy, anguish. May it map out a course for love of one another. But: Nothing is more cruel than the loss of the child into whom we invest our bodies and our lives. - Anne S.

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We were so moved by the service for Ben, your beautiful boy and a most talented young man.  Thank you for inviting us. Pamela & Ron

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That was a beautiful and moving tribute to your son.  Thank you for letting me be a witness to it. -  Jinny

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Your service for Ben was very moving. I hope that sharing your memories of Ben has helped you and your family to heal.  The last time I saw Ben was at Frieda’s memorial.  I was in the living room looking into the kitchen.  He was sitting at the kitchen table holding Henry.  I remember thinking what a sweet uncle he is. – Ballard Diane T.

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Today's memorial service for your beloved son Ben was a beautiful celebration of his life and I am so grateful for the invitation to attend.  I did not know Ben, but today, hearing the stories and memories and poetry and music I feel I got a real sense of this extraordinary, brilliant, handsome, caring young man.  I grieve deeply with you both. And I celebrate Ben's memory. Sending you both such warm, loving embraces, - Kimberly T. 

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My heart goes out to you both. I did not know what became of Ben after he and our son Daniel did their Bar Mitzvah together. I didn’t know that Ben’s love for music and the cello grew even more.  I didn’t know that he loved computers so much and was so accomplished with them.  I didn’t know that he could do construction.  I certainly knew the beauty in him, but I did not know there was darkness too. – Louisa T.

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I feel like I can now hold Ben in my heart in a tangible way and have gained some understanding of who you have become and the life you and Gary have created for yourselves. Please know that I am holding you and all who have been touched by Ben in ‘Light’ with a warm heart and tears in my eyes. - Kristy V.

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Thanks for sharing Ben’s service. I guess the best we can say is that faith implies a better world down the road for the good people. – MV

The memorial was just beautiful.  Thank you so much for the story you were able to tell about your amazing son. – Detroit Linda W.

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The service was lovely, and it was hilarious to see little Liam photo bombing a couple of the birthday shots:)  Ben and your family are very dear to my heart.  I would love to stay in touch and will certainly always hold fond memories of all the times that we spent with you and with Ben - Lysle W. 

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Thankful for your sharing, support you on this difficult journey and sending  love for everyone saddened by this tragic loss. Unforeseen, and unfortunately, the quiet Ben found his own calm without knowing so many appreciated and loved him. He will not be forgotten- as today proved. – Kathy Z.

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We are all devastated. Ben must have been in so much pain...If only I could have talked to him more at Frieda’s event. I want to get in my time machine and go back... We all enjoyed his Bach cello video, including my ex Nancy at Juilliard. Our hearts are with you. - Jonathan S.

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We remember Benjamin from our day-after-Thanksgiving dinner last November. He was quiet and seemed to have the thoughtful introspection of Gary and your handsome looks. How deep the sadness to lose one so young. I wish we could be with you in this time of deep mourning. Our hearts will surely be if not our physical presence. - Eric & Joe

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I can't begin to feel your pain and my heart aches for you and your family. Ben's loss is horrendous, full stop. This excruciating loss is a bomb, and the hole it has opened will never be filled, although the pain may ease some day. - Jennifer C.

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I am so deeply sorry for your loss, and the world’s loss, for that matter. Even in the little I knew him, Ben was such a special child and person, and I wish we’d all been able to know more of him, for longer. I hope you, Gary, and Sarah are able to buoy each other amidst the hurt and pain, and I hope you’ve all been able to find some little salve in the year since his passing. The community fund tribute to Ben is beautiful, and I was happy to contribute. If there’s anything I can do as someone steeped in the music world of the Puget Sound to help you make connections or otherwise help facilitate your vision of building a legacy on his behalf, please just let me know. - Katie M.